i can't sleep because the thought of you just puts me into tears. no call, no messages, no emails. nothing. its like i semi-exist to you. one day i'm your girlfriend and then another day i'm just a somebody. i dunno why i deal with the way you are. sometimes i keep hoping you'll just be someone better and not a kid. i've grown up, what about you? you're like totally someone different when i'm not physically with you. am i being taken for granted? is the only special moments we have is when i have to see you? do i not deserve a time of day for you to even pick up your damn phone to call and say "what's up?" or tell me what you're up to? why am i always the one hesistant enough to hit that speed dial 6 when you can't even hit your speed dial 2? it sucks. i hate this feeling. its stupid, childish, and not normal. i'm tired of having to sit around wait for you to come rescue me from this boredem, when i can be doing something else. its always, "i dunno," "we'll see tomorrrow," "next time," "playing games," or even just silence. i have these dreams that you're with these different girls. i see you with them and i call your name, but you don't even say anything. you just look at me like i'm not yours. i don't know why these dreams keep occurring. most of my dreams are just bs anyway.

i'm drifting away. can you even see me anymore?

so i totally forgot about this thing. oh man. so many memories on this thing and its been so long.

well i recently finished school a month ago. its amazing how the school year seems to fly by way faster than the time i remember in highschool. but my grades are way better now than in highschool, so thats a plus for liking college xD. 4 A's and 2 B's this semester.

i recently took up a new hobby for painting with my lovely friend Gen and Amethys. we're not professional yet, but wait until you see us in the future =] buy our paintings! xP

relationships. well, there's always those bad days, but i've mostly had good ones which is always what i'm hoping for everyday. Erick and I just celebrated our 3 years on the 3rd. woo-hoo! we went out to the sushi factory on meridian. OMG, so goooood. we ate so much good sushi, we seriously couldn't make it out of the restaurant alive.. haha. we couldn't talk or laugh or breathe without our stomachs hurting. but the sushi was worth it <3 and talk about food coma... oh man..

it was also indy's class of '09 graduation the other day. each year there's less and less people i know who are graduating, but none the less, its amazing to see the ones i know grow up (some, literally) and go off to having great futures. so congrats to all the graduates!
which also reminded me that Sheryl is going to be a senior now. oh man, she's grown up fast too. >_< which also means i'm getting older too. =X

well since jessicaj has been bugging me to blog, i guess i can take the time to do that right now. =]

well school's been good. i've been learning a lot especially in my english remedial class. writing essays is getting easier because of all the things my teacher has been teaching. its exciting to actually learn! x] my speech class is good, a lot of public speaking tho. my health class recently had a use-to-be drug addict come to guest speak for our class. that was REALLY interesting cuz she told us about how she got started in highschool and how her dad and her whole family were drug dealers and stuff. she was a private school kid and she got like 3rd on her SATs so she got a full ride to davis when she went to college. and once she got to college it was all about partying and she only went to class when they were giving out midterms and finals. and she got her degree. how interesting. after college she was still a drug dealer/addict unil like 5 years ago and she's almost 40. she was talking like street talk so she was cussing and all that. pretty interesting, but she just taught everyone to think about life.  its interesting how our teacher is giving us all this information about drinking and drugs and to me theres no difference because i'm not the type to drink and do drugs. x] so all this info is just repeat for me. but for all you drug users and alcohol drinkers, just be smart. i dont really approve people i know that use drugs, but unfortunately i can't be the kind of person who can stop all the people i know and care about to stop. =T

anyway, on the other side of things. marching band has been "okay." our james bond show is cool and we put on a great show for indy's invitational a while back. great to know that i have people watching x] too bad we still couldn't go to disneyland. boo. =T we just had marching band for like 3 days in a row. friday for practice, saturday for a football game, and yesterday for the halftime raiders game. AND today for practice. its bs. but whatever.

work has been good also. i have a new co-worker, aileen! she's cool. she went to indy and graduated with me! see how big indy is? you cant even get to know everyone =P but anyway. she's a cool gal and i've been working with her lately. i enjoy work more than marching band x] so hopefully when the semester's over i can start working full-time until school starts up again. i needa start saving money for christmas presents! =] this year, i can actually start giving people presents! so be excited! =D

life with erick is fabulous =] he's great and my everything <3
what's more to say? hehe. x]


happy jessicaj? i blogged for you! =]
maybe i should blog more often =P